I am at a stage of my life where I wonder if everyone went through the same existential crisis as me when they were 22.
For the past several months, I have felt less and less inclined towards whatever I used to love and enjoy. Spending time with family and friends, listening to music, playing games on the computer or learning more physics are no longer of as much importance to me. It is not a case of displaced priority. Nothing has essentially replaced these things in terms of importance, however, my overall interest in life and pursuing certain goals or aspirations has gone down significantly. I spend most of my days trying to pass enough time so that the day gets over and I'm presented with a new one. I have no idea what I am looking forward to, but I keep looking forward to the future. Maybe I believe that there's something positive in store for me, but the more I analyze, the more I realize that there is absolutely nothing.
I then start wondering if all the constant internal battles that I go through are worth anything at all. All the highs and lows, sorrow and joy, misery and love that I experience feel like mental obstacles to a hollow destination full of nothingness - complete void. Maybe that is my calling in life. I suppose I was meant to be there since the beginning, but people decided to fill me with hope and aspirations so that I don't dread the journey. Some may argue that it is about the journey itself, and not the destination, and although they raise a good point, they should ask themselves if the journey is worth it if it has a severe power imbalance between positivity and negativity, with the latter almost always being on top. In such a case, one justifiably begins to wonder what he or she is fighting for. Is it really worth it? Will all this internal spiritual struggle lead to a place of peace or enlightenment or will a hollow void - a life where I am nothing but a drone, living in an apartment and trying to earn enough to live - greet me sardonically and tell me that my efforts amounted to nothing?
